Facing the Fear
by Centroides
Summary: What do you do when the fear that haunts you has consequences? Can he identifying the terror and face it before he does something that might kill one or more of his team or even Garrison? I have rewritten Chapter 4. Hopefully I have corrected the over sights. Thank you to the people who asked for clarification, I hope I have addressed your concerns
1. Chapter 1

**Facing the Fear**

Chapter 1

While waiting for the sub Casino was breaking a small branch into pieces and throwing the bits at Chief. Goniff watched as Chief ignored the annoyance until the bits began to get bigger and one would have hit him in the face if he hadn't knocked it aside. He turned to glare at his tormenter.

Actor had been watching the interplay. He thought back to their first introductions. Casino had always been cocky. He was good and he knew it. It had taken time for Chief to get comfortable with the others, starting with Garrison and then himself. Goniff made friends with everyone but Chief and Casino had not really hit it off. Maybe it was because Chief seemed unimpressed with his team mate. As they had worked together the bond between the two dark haired men had become like one between brothers. Casino still tormented him but if the younger man was in trouble Casino was right there to protect him. Not that he would admit it and not that Chief would ever admit he needed help but Actor had seen it happen. He watched to see how far this present situation would go. He did not want to step in, that was Garrison's venue but he was on watch so that left it to him. He would have to say something soon. He was planning what to say when Goniff stepped in.

"Hey Casino. When was your first run in with the coppers?"

Casino paused in mid throw to think. A smile appeared as he remembered back to a happier time.

Was that just a coincidence or had Goniff done it on purpose? He had diffused the situation with his question. Actor had suspected he was smarter than he let on. This was further proof. He filed this incident away with the rest and sat back to watch and listen. In the back of his mind he started to plan what he would say **if** they asked him.

"It must have been when I was ten or eleven," began Casino. He had lowered the branch to his lap and was staring off into the distance. "A couple of us guys were walking home from school. We had to pass this grocery store. Old man Giovani was a miserable old coot. Nice as pie to the adults but he used to glare at us kids. His wife was always going to church or just coming back. I think she had a thing for the priest."

Goniff snickered.

Casino continued. "They had two kids. The girl, Adrianna, was two years older than me and had her nose so far up in the air it was a wonder she could breathe. The boy, a skinny little weasel, was younger by a year. He thought he was a big shot. Used to take candy from his old man's store to school. If you wanted any you had to be real nice to him, kiss up. I'd seen some of the younger kids carry his books just for a sweet. Couldn't stand either one of them or the old man so as I was about to walk past the shelf out front I took an apple. I was just polishing it on my shirt when I saw the cop. He was just standing there big as life; one hand on his hip and the other one held out for the apple. Well, we just looked at each other and I laughed. This was all too good to pass up so we took off with the cop in pursuit."

"Over an apple?" asked Actor incredibly.

"No. It had nothing to do with the apple. We just wanted to outrun the cop. You see he was old and overweight. Beside he was all right with us guys. We knew he wouldn't do anything. Just tell us that it was wrong to steal and that we should go to confession and confess our sins; that God would deal with it. He wouldn't even tell our parents."

"So what 'appened?" prompted Goniff.

"After a bit I slowed down and I just tossed him the apple. He caught it and we kept going. Too bad cause shortly after that he retired and they brought in a new guy." Casino's voice turned hard. "He was a miserable bastard. You couldn't do nothing, and he was all over you. Everyone hated him."

"Maybe only the criminals hated him." interjected Actor. That earned him a scowl.

"Came right to the house one afternoon and asked me about some missing stuff that he knew there was no way I coulda snatched. He just wanted me to know he was watching me and to make sure my old man knew what I was doing. Just being a real jerk."

"So what did your old man do?"

"Beat the shit outta me as usual."

"Obviously that did not stop you, did it?" asked Actor rhetorically, a smile on his face.

That earned his chuckles all around.

"Later he arrested me for a job even though I wasn't even there," continued Casino bitterly.

"Probably off robbing someone else," suggested Goniff.

Even Casino laughed at that as he tossed a bit of stick at him. Ever agile the little thief dodged it.

"Hey Limey, how about you?"

"I was framed." The others laughed.

"No cops here, really, what happened?"

"Honest to God's truth." He heard the sniggers and pressed on. "I was just a lad when a few a me mates and me were wanting to go to the picture show. We didn't 'ave enough money so we tried to sneak in. Willie, the oldest, 'e nicked this guy's wallet but when the guy grabbed him, 'e turned and yelled at me as if I'd done it. 'E 'anded it back and told me to never do that again or 'e would call the cops. The bloke reaches into 'is pocket and pulls out a badge. 'E was a cop. Threatened to take me to jail right then and there."

"What did you do?"

"What would you do? I kicked 'im in the shins and scarpered."

They all laughed at that.

"Actor, how about you?"

In my case it was an accident."

"What you weren't framed? Oh wait that was the Limey's excuse," laughed Casino.

"No in my case it was literally an accident. I had just parted from a lovely young lady…"

"After taking all her money," put in Casino.

Actor scowled at his tormentor. "Not all." he replied haughtily. "As I was saying, I was leaving in a cab when the driver, momentarily distracted, was involved in an accident. Unfortunately there were too many people around for me to disappear.

The Doctor wished to detain me for a few days because of internal bruising. I agreed, assuming a hospital would be the last place anyone would look for me. To my great misfortune it turned out one of the doctors at the hospital recognized me as being a friend of the heiress. Being a good friend, and thinking he was helping he called her. She of course rushed to my bedside."

"Of course," chimed in Casino sarcastically _._ "

"She insisted on paying the hospital bill and arranging for a visiting nurse when I was discharged."

"That's when she discovered you had stolen all her money," laughed Casino.

"Really Casino! It is all a matter of semantics. I didn't steal anything. I was merely investing it for her. She had left too much un-invested. It was just being wasted. I on the other hand know where to keep money safe, how to put it to its best use."

"Yeah, in your pocket." Again the others laughed. Even Actor smiled.

"So you ended up in the slammer. What about the money?" asked Goniff.

A knowing smile gave them their answer.

Their attention swung now to the youngest member of the team. Chief had always protected his past, kept it from everyone. There was too much there to cause him pain.

" _Go back where you came from. Nobody wants you here. Even your mother didn't want you."_ Even as much as he tried to tell himself it wasn't true the words had wrapped themselves around his heart like barbed wire. They had struck so hard and so deep that they had become part of his truth _. "Keep moving. No one wants you here. If your own mother didn't want you then why would anyone else."_

Over the time he had lived and worked with these men, risking his life for them and they for him, he had learned that some things were all right to reveal. At times it had been accidental and other times on purpose. Each time he had survived. Occasionally he had had to fight it out with Casino or shut out Actor and once Garrison but in the end it had not changed how they treated him.

As he had listened to the others he had thought about his own brush with the law. Some were just too painful and shameful to ever be revealed. Those he discarded. He thought back to one early incident.

"When I was little I remember being chased by a cop. I don't remember why or what I'd done. I just remember knowin' that if he caught me some'm bad would happen."

Before they had a chance to question him further, their contact arrived. The motor Torpedo Launch had been damaged and had to return to England. They were now to make the crossing by sub.

The sea was high enough on their way to the sub that the lack of details in Chief's story was forgotten. Eventually they reached England and returned cold, and tired, to their base. After debriefing and showers they all went to bed.

Hours later the quiet was interrupted by a mumble, at first unintelligible, then clearer.

"No, don't. I don't want..."

Actor was roused by the mumble. Hearing the rest brought him completely awake. The sound had brought back memories of when he was a child. His little brother had been ill with a high fever. His Mother had tried to bathe him but the water was too cold causing him to cry out. She had persisted, though in the end he had died.

"Let me go."

Again the voice in the darkness and Actor switched on the light before moving over to the bed of the sleeping Chief. The light woke up the others who joined him at the bedside. Seeing the tortured look on his face, Actor called his name as he placed his hand on Chief's shoulder, shaking him gently.

Even before his eyes fully opened, the sleeper exploded. Encumbered momentarily by the blanket that had bunched up around his upper chest, he fought to get free.

"Hey, it's OK. You were dreaming," said Casino. Meaning to help he grabbed at the blanket accidentally grabbing Chief's wrist.

The terrified man's eyes flew open and he blindly struck out, trying to free himself from the real hands that were tied to his tortured dream.

As reality set in he realized that the others had seen him terrified. No one must ever see that he could be afraid. Fear was something to be exploited. Sadly he knew he had used that himself in the past. He couldn't deny what they had all so plainly seen so as he had always done in the past he fell back on his standard response; anger.

Without warning he launched himself at Goniff, who was standing at the end of the bed. "You bastard," was the strangled cry.

Momentarily stunned by the complete transformation and the unusual target the others remained paralyzed until Chief almost had his hands around Goniff's neck. Casino lunged first, grabbing Chief by the first available target, his upper arm. This deflected the young man's trajectory causing him to swing around right into the arms of Actor.

Again he was being restrained by hands and arms. He fought without thought. Finally the two older men succeeded in pinning the young man face down on the cot. He screamed his rage in an inarticulate cry, more animal than human.

"Chief! Stop!"

The two men slowly release their hold and as soon as he was able Chief turned over and with undisguised rage snarled at them, his eyes blazing. "Don't you ever do that again."

"Chief. What is going on here? You were having a bad dream." said Actor calmly. He held his hands out to show he wouldn't harm him.

"We just tried to wake you up," said Casino, concern evident in his voice. He, too, tried to ease the man's fears.

Again Chief turned on the slightest man on the team, who had wisely tucked in behind the two bigger men.

"It's all his fault." At their puzzled looks he continued angrily. "If he hadn't asked about the cops then none of this would have happened."

"What's the big deal," asked Casino becoming angry as well. "So you dreamed about the cops. Don't tell me that's never happened before."

A haunted look began to replace some of the anger. "It wasn't a cop that was chasing me. It was a God damn priest." It suddenly dawned on him that he never meant to reveal this much. No one must ever know. He rounded on Goniff again. "If you hadn't asked then I wouldn't've remembered. Damn you." He wanted to throttle the man but knew he wouldn't get close enough.

"Remembered what? That a priest chased you? You probably stole from the poor box," replied Casino snidely.

"No!" He took several breaths trying to calm himself. They stood waiting but he remained silent. He had seen an old priest in his dream and then he was being chased but he didn't know who was chasing him. What if they ask him more? They would. They would want to know why. He couldn't tell them. Again he covered with anger. "Just leave me alone. Get away from me." He jerked his hand like he would if he had a knife. The others took the hint and walked back to their cots.

Goniff felt bad. It scared him that Chief wanted to attack him. He was defenceless against the angry fighter. On the other hand if he had caused it then he had to tell him he was sorry. Then maybe he wouldn't try to kill him when the others were not there.

"I'm sorry Chief. I didn't mean..."

That was as far as he got. Chief snarled something he couldn't understand verbally but the intent came through loud and clear. He was not forgiven.

"Chief." The voice of reason spoke. "Goniff did not do it on purpose. He did not mean to stir up old memories. Do not take it out on him. Maybe if we talk about the memories we can get them put back where they belong."

"NO! Just leave me alone." He started to get dressed.

"Where are you going?"

"Nonna your business," was the quiet, though still angry reply.

"I am afraid it is my business. When Garrison asks where you went he will expect an answer."

"Well then when you say 'I don't know' you won't be lyin' will you."

Actor thought about stopping the young man until he saw him strap on the leather band that held his knife. Chief had a point. He could honestly say he didn't know where he was going. It would be better to have Garrison confront Chief.

Actor placed a hand on the smaller team mate's shoulder and told him they would discuss it in the morning when Chief had time to cool off. Everything would be all right.

Goniff replied with a wry smile, not convinced one bit, then climbed into his cot making sure he was facing door. Not that it would matter. If the Indian came for him in the night there was no way he would hear him. He closed his eyes but continued to listen. He relaxed a bit when he heard the door close.

Why was he so upset about a priest chasing him, though Goniff. What could a priest do to him anyway that would make him so afraid. He thought back to what the Indian had told them the day before. If the cop/priest caught him then bad things would happen. What bad things could a priest do? Excommunicate him? Throw you out of the church? Tell your parents? How bad could that be?

And if it was a cop, Chief said he was 'little'. That made it sound like he was a little kid. They didn't put little kids in jail did they? Chief was American. Americans didn't put little kids in jail. Then what was he afraid of? Maybe his father. Maybe his father would beat him, or his stepfather or whoever ran the orphanage. How bad could that be? Chief fought all the time. He was no stranger to pain. Whether the cop/priest caught him or not he could still tell on him. So he would still be in trouble. None of it made sense. The only thing that could be trouble was if the cop/priest was the one to hurt him. Priest didn't beat little kids. They blessed them and saved their souls. Where Chief grew up, where ever that was, did cops beat little kids? What was worse than a beating?

Goniff's fertile imagination went into over drive as he drifted off to sleep. He dreamed he was a pirate captain and his crew consisted of a very tall but subservient first mate and a tough deck hand, named Actor and Casino respectively. They had just brought him a new cabin boy that they had procured from a local cop. He wouldn't tell his name so they called him Chief.

Actor pondered the events that had just transpired. Chief claimed it was a priest who chased him. If he had stolen something as Casino had suggested then he might have said he was sorry, or he would not do it again. But he had clearly said 'No, don't. I don't want..." What had the priest done to cause that reaction? It could not have been in response to priestly things like baptism or blessing and he did not believe that Chief was the devil and the sprinkling of holy water was causing him to burn. No, he had to be mistaken. Dreams were an interpretation, not necessarily fact. He would talk to him in the morning.

Chief slipped down the stairs. He knew there were no guards in the building but the Sergeant Major, whose room he had to pass, was a light sleeper. Over time he had memorized the squeaky steps and floorboards so by now he could pass without a sound. The door to the courtyard was locked on the inside so his progress was unhindered. Once outside he kept to the shadows as he carefully made his way to a specific tree and climbed up to a notch. Leaning on the vertical trunk he stretched out his legs along the horizontal limb and felt himself relax.

Why couldn't the past stay in the forgotten? He obviously had blanked it all out but every once in a while something would surface. Why couldn't it stay gone? This one with the priest….He shivered and then hung his head. He dared not explore that one. The fear he had felt in his dream told him that was a part that had to stay hidden. His eyes welled up with tears. They were tears of pain and shame.

Here up in the tree he felt safe enough to let the tears flow. He had been told that tears wash the soul so he made no effort to stop them until his soul felt clean. He was still the discarded one but he would go on. Someday, he promised himself, he would find out where he came from and why he had been abandoned.

He wiped his face and dried his hands on his jacket. Climbing down he went to the stream, knelt beside it and splashed water on his face. It was cold but refreshing. Unfortunately it made his hands cold but they would warm. He returned to the tree, got comfortable and sat watching the stars through a break in the leaves. He dozed for a bit each time waking relaxed and alert. He had learned to do this a long time ago. Prison farm barracks were no place for deep sleepers. Eventually he returned to the rooms the cons shared.

ggggg

A tapping at his door drew his attention and he looked up. Mrs. G stood tentatively peering into his office.

"Come in Mrs. Greeves."

"I'm sorry to bother you when you're busy. I can come back later."

"No, no. Come in. What can I do for you?" She took a nervous step into the room so Craig got up to meet her. That helped and she moved into the room.

"I don't want to get anyone in trouble; I know the lads like to blow off steam… It's probably nothing but…"

"Go ahead," he said with a smile. "They do like to get into mischief. What is it this time? You know, I should write these antics down. It would make a good book." He had a bad feeling this was more serious but he had to put their housekeeper at ease or he might not hear about their latest antics until it was too late.

"Well," she said, "I was changing their beds…"

"The men are supposed to do that and bring the sheets down. You shouldn't have to."

"I was not 'ere yesterday."

"Yes, I remember you telling me about the funeral."

"I did the laundry the day before so I went and got the sheets off the beds."

Craig wondered what could have upset their unflappable house keeper about the sheets.

"When I took the blanket off the bed by the window, I… I smelled smoke on it."

"Several of the men smoke. I can tell them not to smoke in their room if you prefer." This had not been an issue all the time they had been there and he was sure Chief did not smoke. Had Casino or Goniff traded blankets with Chief? Strange.

"It wasn't cigarette smoke. It was from a wood fire like if he had sat next to the fireplace except there were no ashes in the fireplace." She had been speaking hesitantly but now hurried on almost apologetically. "I don't want to get anyone in trouble. I know you work for the Army and you're doing good work but I am responsible for the house and if they're lighting fires…" She ran out of steam. "It's probably nothin' and I don't want any trouble but I thought you should know."

"Thank you Mrs. Greeves." He gave her a smile. "You did the right thing and I will certainly have a word with them. Don't worry about getting them into trouble. They do that all on their own." Craig was glad to see the look of relief on her face. She was a good woman and he did not want to lose her for any reason.

After she left he considered what she had said. Chief's cot was the closest to the window and of all of them was the most likely to be sitting next to a fire but why the blanket? No ashes could be explained if he had cleaned them out after. This was something he was going to have to look into as soon as he finished the paperwork and made a phone call.

Hours later he met up with his men for Tea, as Mrs. G and Goniff called it. Not wanting to embarrass his Guardian Craig waited but he did notice how tired he looked. Maybe he was sitting up late. Finally after the dishes were cleared and the men began to disperse he told Chief to wait. He had tried to catch his eye but he was avoiding looking at anyone. This was not entirely out of character but put together with the wood smoke and the tiredness meant he was on the right track.

"You got a minute Chief?"

"Sure." There was no hesitation or sign of guilt.

Goniff was lingering, looking very interested in one of the paintings on the wall. He might be out of earshot but …

"Come," he said as he headed for the door. It was cool outside, cool enough for a jacket but he hoped he wouldn't be that long. Once they were out on the stone terrace he started. "Is something bothering you? It doesn't look like you've been sleeping well."

"I'm all right." It was the denial Craig had expected. "Can I go now?"

He was hiding something. Normally he would have let him go and just kept an eye on him but not this time. The evidence was too serious.

"Mrs. G smelled wood smoke on your blanket." That got a reaction; Chief's head jerked up but he did not turn around. "What's going on Chief?"

There was a long pause. "I had a bad dream so I went outside."

The men were no longer locked in and nothing had been said about not being allowed to go outside but nocturnal wandering was pushing it. "I would rather you not wander the grounds at night. The Guards have orders to shoot." There was no reaction. Maybe he had better rescind that order.

Craig had solved the mystery of the wood smoke smell but he had a feeling he had not gotten to the bottom of the problem. Chief had a nightmare but with the life he had before and with what they were doing now, it was to be expected. It was a wonder they all didn't have them occasionally. Hopefully this was a onetime thing though he doubted it.

"Sometimes talking about it helps." He was not a psychologist and knew nothing about dream interpretation but he wanted Chief, like all his men to know that he was here for them. Your men should know they could count on you to back them at all times. You were responsible for them.

That night Craig fell asleep quickly but woke sometime later. He tried rolling over but sleep eluded him. Something was wrong. He sat up and listened but nothing was out of order. The old boiler groaned, the floors creaked, just the usual nocturnal sounds but still he remained alert. Getting up and dressed he took a walk through the building. Maybe if he reassured his mind that all was well he would be able to go back to sleep. He had a two day training session coming up and he needed to be alert.

It was all quiet downstairs so he headed up to the second floor. The cons were not the only ones who knew how to avoid the squeaks and creaks of this old house. At the con's room door he paused, listening, then opened the door. A cloud chose that moment to slide in front of the moon but there had been enough time for Garrison to see the white sheet on Chief's bed. The brown blanket was missing and so was Chief.

Down in the kitchen Craig turned on the light. It took about a minute to locate and check the flashlight that was kept for emergencies. Originally it was probably candles and matches so he was glad of the modern technology.

He turned out the light and headed outside. It was cold and damp, it would probably rain later, so he was glad he had put on his coat. He pulled the collar up as he walked. Out on the grounds there were a few paths. One of these he used for his morning run. Another led to a pasture that was used by a neighbor for his sheep. Craig did not know the details just that the sheep were there. A third path was less used and led back into the wood lot. This would be the one Chief would choose. Walking quietly he set off. Up ahead he thought he saw a flicker of light so he covered the flashlight beam with his hand allowing only enough light to see where he was going. Falling over a log or stumbling off the path could be painful and would alert whoever was up ahead. He could not afford to assume it was Chief.

The path opened up into a clearing where a small fire was burning but there was no sign of the builder or tender of the fire. Craig turned off his light and waited.

"You might as well come out, I know you're here." He watched, alert to any sound. Maybe he should have brought his weapon. Hopefully the guards had stopped any intruders. Movement to his right caught his eye and he waited.

Chief stepped into sight and approached the fire. The missing blanket was draped over his shoulders. Squatting down he reached out and warmed his hands by the fire. Craig moved in too. The fire was small but it burned hot. The warmth was welcomed.

"Another bad dream?"

"Same one," was the quiet reply.

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Not really." He sounded sad.

"It's interfering with your sleep. You're going to have to talk to someone."

"No." He shook his head slightly.

"This can't keep going on." The Lieutenant was not going to beg but he knew that sometimes orders were counter-productive.

"It won't."

"If you won't talk to me I can call someone." The only other option was sleeping pills but after the last time he gave him pills he was not about to do it again.

"No!

"Ignoring it isn't working. Did it have anything to do with our last mission?"

"No. Look, it'll be alright. It'll go away."

"Obviously that's not working or you wouldn't be out here, what two, three nights in a row instead of sleeping?" There was a way to get to Chief and as much as he hated using it, Chief was giving him no choice.

"A mission comes up with you this tired; you're going to be useless to me. You could even get someone killed." Chief turned his head away. Garrison had struck a nerve. He knew Chief was dedicated, he was loyal to the team and he took his role on the team seriously,

"What was the dream about? Maybe between us we can figure out what it means. Once you understand it, you can defeat it." At least that was what his Mother had told him when he was a child.

Again there was a long silence but he expected it. Chief was a thinker. He had to be very upset before he would just blurt something out. Craig figured it had to do with his lack of trust. Chief would think over what he was going to say, looking for hints he did not wish to reveal.

"I'm bein' chased."

"Do you know who is chasing you?"

"The first time I thought it was a priest but now I don' know. It's someone in black. All I know is it's all in black an' I can't let it get me. I run but I can't get away."

"When did this start? I assume you've had the same one more than once?"

"I used to when I was a kid but it's come back."

"Has it ever caught you?"

"Yeah." It was a shaky exhale.

Craig waited but there were no details so he asked what happened.

The young man looked down at his hands then tucked them into his arm pits as if he was hugging himself. Suddenly he jumped to his feet and moved off. "I fell and it landed on me. I couldn't breathe. Then it started dragging me. I woke up."

"That certainly is a nightmare. No wonder you don't want to go to sleep."

"If it kills me before I wake up, I'll die."

"If we can figure out what it is then you can defeat it. I take it you've been chased before, in real life?" Chief nodded and returned to the fire. "Was there anyone that stands out, maybe dressed in black?"

"I don' know," he said plaintively. Then in a smaller voice he said, "I'm just a kid in the dream. I don't have any memories of bein' that young." Then in a stronger voice he added, "None. There's nothin'."

"Children don't. It's as if we forget or maybe children's brains just don't remember. That's nothing to worry about."

"But what if … Why am I dreaming about it. Is it just made up? An' why? Why now?"

"Something triggered it. On our last mission, did anything like that happen? I don't remember Hodgkins wearing black but did you have to run from somebody on that mission?" With a smile he added, "It's not like we haven't ever had to run from the Germans before." That was when he remembered the SS wore black uniforms. Was this what was in his dreams?

"It's not soldiers, it's somethin' else that wants to hurt me."

Craig thought about what he had heard. The boy in the dream was a child. The soldiers were from much later in his life. Had he put them together because they were even scarier to a child? Or was he right, this person or thing in black was not a soldier but someone or something else? Had someone chased him when he was a child, someone he was afraid of? Had he replaced this person with a symbol, a black presence?

As he sat thinking this through he realized why Chief brought the blanket. His front facing the fire was warm but his back was cold and getting colder.

"Let's go back to the house. I want you to try to get some sleep and we'll talk in the morning." He held up his hand to stall the objection he saw coming. "If you have the dream again, try to remember you're not a child any more. You're a grown man, quite capable of fighting back. You don't have to let anyone hurt you ever again. And not only that … you're not alone anymore. You have your team mates and you have me. We're all here for you."

"Yeah, I know." He did not sound like he thought it would help.

"Come on." He waited as Chief put out the fire and scattered the ashes then the two men headed back.

The next morning Craig was pleased to see Chief looking a little better. He still looked tired but not as bad as he had. He caught his eye and saw the slight nod. He was doing better. Maybe his advice had worked.

The second morning when he opened the kitchen door he saw Chief sitting slouched at the table. He looked like Hell. Craig was dressed for his run but instead he pulled out a chair and sat down.

"The same dream?" The small nod confirmed it. "Anything change?" A small shake of his head was his answer.

"I don't know what to do. I have to kill it but I don't know how?"

Garrison had an idea but he was going to have to check first. His first attempt was unsuccessful but before he could call again he was called away to London. The two day session on codes was being held at a secret location, no phone calls allowed. There was nothing he could do. He couldn't even get a message to Actor to make the call.

It was after midnight when he was finally returned to his base. The next morning Chief did not show up for breakfast.

"Where's Chief?"

"He was not in bed when I got up. He was either up very early or he did not sleep here last night," said Actor as he put the coffee on. "He did sleep here the night before though he was probably too tired to dream."

"Ever since 'e 'ad that nightmare 'e's been gone a lot."

Craig saw the look pass between the men of his team. There was more to it than that but he knew he would not get the story here, or would he?

"Anyone know what it was about?" Again the look.

"Just that he was being chased."

"He wouldn't say. You know how closed mouthed he is," put in Actor.

"'E almost took me 'ead …, started Goniff before being interrupted by Casino.

"Off for asking." He glared at Goniff. "Said it wasn't our business. You know how he is."

They were covering something. His best bet was to get Goniff alone. With some incentive he would tell him what he wanted to know. First he had to find Chief.

The back door opened and Chief came in. From the way he was dressed and the sweat on his face and shirt, he had been running. Stopping long enough to acknowledge everyone he headed down the hall and up the stairs.

The men began to get up. Now was Craig's chance to get Goniff alone but as he watched Casino herded him out the door. Today was a little warmer than yesterday and the cons were taking advantage of it. The Lieutenant had some catching up to do so he let them go for a bit.

"Don't go far. We have work to do today."

"Come on, Warden," said Casino petulantly. "It's too nice a day to work. We get so few nice days here."

"What a you talking about. It 'asn't rained in days." Goniff might claim to be an American but he wasn't going to let Casino disparage his homeland's weather.

"You can go out back but don't leave the courtyard."

With a final, "Yeah, yeah," they were out the door and down the steps.

All he could hope was that Casino did not threaten Goniff too badly that he wouldn't talk to him. He would have to appeal to the Englishman's friendship with Chief. Although not close they did get along. Basically Goniff got along with everyone. It was one of his good traits that helped balance out his habit of riling Casino to the point of violence that landed them all in the stockade. He would finish what he had to do and then find a way to get him alone. He could order Goniff to tell him but like the others he did not respond well to orders.

Chief returned to the kitchen. He had gotten washed up and changed. Before he could get out the door Garrison called to him. "Get yourself a cup of coffee and sit down." He waited until the Indian was sitting. "Any more dreams?"

"Not last night."

"Did you sleep?"

"Some."

"You can't keep doing this."

"I know." He looked up from his cup.

"Have you thought any more about what the darkness represents? Or who?"

"I tried but I don't know." He took a sip of his coffee and grimaced. By now it was probably very strong.

There wasn't much else he could say so they sat in silence before the Sargent Major came in to say he was starting the training session on Morse Code and airplane silhouettes. Chief got up, dumped his cup out in the sink and headed for the map room. Taking pity and maybe delaying his office paperwork he stepped out the door and called his men inside. There was grumbling but they obeyed. The Lieutenant headed to his office. It was only fair, if they had to work so did he. Enough procrastinating.

He was well into his reports when he heard the cons returning. A quick check of his watch told him that not enough time had passed for the lesson to be over. This meant they had frustrated the Brit to the point of surrender or they had snuck out on him again. For some reason they refused to take their military training seriously.

Poking his head out into the hall he said "Goniff, my office, now."

The pickpocket turned, surprised at hearing his name or maybe the tone. Innocently he pointed to himself with a questioning look. It was the classic 'who me?'

"Close the door behind you." He stood waiting until his guest was seated before asking, "You know all your silhouettes? If I quiz you right now, how many would you get right?"

"They all look alike, Warden. Besides Casino knows'em. 'E can tell me if they're friendly."

"And if he's not there?"

"Then I ask Actor," he replied with a grin.

"You have to know this. If you see a plane, do you signal it or hide?"

"If it's flying east then, it's one of ours, west it's theirs." The satisfied grin was still there.

"Planes fly out then they fly back."

The grin disappeared and he looked surprised. "I 'adn't thought of that." The flicker of a grin returned. He was having fun.

Time to get serious. "After the next lesson I will quiz you. You get less than sixty five percent right, you lose a month's pay and no leave for a month."

"What?" That brought him up straight. "That's not fair," he protested.

"Tell you what. I'll reduce the penalty if you answer my questions."

"What questions?" He was hopeful but suspicious

Goniff often played the fool but Garrison had learned it was usually an act. "Do we have a deal?" Garrison was not a fool and he played for keeps.

"Deal."

"What was Chief's nightmare about?" He listened as the pickpocket explained about the nightmare and his reaction to being woken including the attack on himself. "Why would he blame you?"

"Back on our last mission I asked about everyone's first run in with the bobbies. Chiefy said he was chased by a cop when 'e was just a lad but 'e didn't remember why. After Casino woke 'im up 'e said it was a priest, not a cop, but that can't be right. 'E had to 'ave gotten it wrong. Priests don't chase kids, Bobbies do. They'll chase you quick as look at you."

"So it was your suggestion that triggered the dreams?"

"Yeah, but I didn't mean for it to 'appen," he said quickly, eager to explain.

"I know, Goniff. Thank you. You can go.""

"Do I get me pay back and me leave? I answered your questions."

"Yes." Goniff jumped up. "But…" Goniff stopped, looking pensive. I will quiz you and you had better know them," he warned.

"So I still get me pay and leave no matter what?"

"I said I would ease the penalty. I want at least fifty percent. If not then you get your pay but your leave will be spent studying." He saw the protest and said, "Study now, party later." He watched Goniff think that over and nod. Then he raced out the door before Garrison could change his mind.

Someone must have read his mind because the phone rang. After he hung up he called the Sargent Major via the intercom. Twenty minutes later Chief arrived at his office door. He was told to come in and when he was seated Garrison broke the news, not quite sure how it would be received.

"Katherine is coming to stay the week end at The Doves." Chief's eyes widened a bit as he took in the news. "She wants to talk to you."

22


	2. Chapter 2

**Facing the Fear**

Chapter 2

"I want you to close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting outside. Imagine the sounds of the birds and the wind in the trees. It's spring and the blossoms are opening." Katherine watched as the young man relaxed and leaned his head back, eyes closed. His normal wary look eased. She needed him completely relaxed for the next part.

Watching him intently she said, "There's someone beside you." His eyes remained closed but his respiration rate increased and he face tensed.

"Nothing to worry about; it's one of your team mates." Her patient's face lost some of the tension and his breathing eased. Here was her proof that he trusted his team mates but was not entirely comfortable with them close physically.

"Your team mate calls your name and places a hand on your forearm." Chief's head came up, his eyes opened and he moved his arm closer to his body. He looked at her with concern but there was no eye contact. His reaction was more proof. Actor had already mentioned his dislike of being touched. This was proof.

"Who was sitting beside you? Who did you imagine?"

Chief touched his forearm then stopped. "It don't matter."

"You don't like anyone touching you. Why?"

Chief turned away and then got up, walked to the door and then back. He sat stiffly. "I just don't."

"Who hurt you?"

"I don't know. It don't matter. I just don't." He was trying to minimize his fear.

"Have you always felt this way? Think back to your earliest memories." She would have suggested a Mother's touch but Actor had said he was orphaned at an early age.

"I don't remember." He paused, remaining still but his eyes were unfocused.

"Who are you thinking about?" His eyes flicked to her but not to her eyes. That was the second time he had avoided direct eye contact. When she had first met him in the park in London he had looked her in the eye. Now he was not. It was at G-CAT where Guardians were 'taught' not to look anyone in the eye. Had her mentioning being touched brought out his Guardian training?

"Was it G-CAT?" He looked away and shook his head so she suggested he go farther back.

"When I was young I stayed with a woman, Gouyen. She … she taught me about … how to survive an' the old ways."

Katherine noted the hesitations. What was he avoiding or leaving out?

"Did she touch you?"

Chief looked pained. "I don't remember."

"How about later?"

The pained looked deepened for a moment then morphed into anger. "The goons grabbed me."

"The goons?"

"They worked for the Indian Schools," his tone was bitter, "catching the runaways an' the ones who hid. They thought I was one of'em."

"You didn't like them."

"I didn't know who they were at first."

"You fought them." When he nodded she added, "Because they were touching you?"

Again his eyes flicked in her direction and then down to his lap where his hands were clenched. "I didn't know what they were going to do?"

"But their touching you didn't bother you?" That was not something he had thought about. His face changed, his eyes widened and he looked horrified. "What is it?" She waited.

"The dream."

"Tell me about your dream." Now she was getting somewhere.

"Goniff asked about our first run in with the cops. I remember being chased by someone in black. I always thought it was a cop." He turned to face her, his eyes raised as far as her neck. "Maybe it was the goons?" He sounded anxious. Was that the answer? Did he want it to be the answer?

"Do you think that was who it was?"

"They wore black," he said hopefully and he looked away.

"And they chased you?" She made it a definite question.

He nodded. "I almost got away but someone stepped out in front of me and that's when they caught me."

"What did they do then?"

"They took me to the Indian School."

"How old were you?"

"I'm not sure, maybe ten or eleven"

"Do you think this was when you started disliking being touched?"

"I don't know but… I think it was earlier. I don't know."

"Why do you say that?"

"My earliest memory was bein' on a train with a stranger. I didn't know who she was but I remember her tellin' me to call her Mama." He looked sad. "But she wasn't. She wasn't my Maman."

Katherine immediately picked up on his pronunciation. "You said Mother in French. Why?"

"What? He looked confused.

"You said Maman. That is French for Mother."

"No I didn't, did I?"

"Do you speak French?"

"No, but Actor's teachin' us French and German."

"Getting back to the woman on the train, did she touch you or hug you?"

He frowned as he thought back. "I don't know. She must a. I remember when the train got to the station an' we got off, there were so many people an' I was scared. I didn't know where to go. She took my hand an' … She pulled me to where there weren't so many people."

Katherine heard the words and wanted clarification. Did he mean it literally? "She pulled you? Did you resist?"

"I remember bein' scared. I … There were so many people an' they were all moving around. I never seen so many … people."

His hesitation was telling. Had he never seen crowds before? He could be from a small rural community. He had said being on the train was his earliest memory. "Do you remember getting on the train?" He shook his head.

"Did your new Mother ever hug you?"

"She must a but I don't remember."

"And you father? Did he hug you?"

"No," he said angrily. "He ignored me or tol' me to get lost or get outta his way. He didn't like me."

"Did he ever say why?"

Chief swallowed and tried to get his emotions under control. "Later, after I got outta the school, I went back. He said he never wanted me. They never even adopted me." His face turned hard. "He said I was just some bastard his wife brought into his house.

"Did he ever touch you?"

"He slapped me a few times. I don't remember why." He lowered his head and looked down at his hands. "Just that it hurt."

"Do you remember any time anyone touched you that didn't hurt?"

Chief looked pensive then his face relaxed. A quick look up as far as her neck and he looked embarrassed, "Yeah. There was this girl in New York, Christine."

"You liked her touching you," she said with understanding warmth.

"Yeah," he said, his face reflecting the love he had for her. "But it didn't work out." He said sadly.

"Has there been anyone whose touch hasn't hurt you?" Katherine certainly hoped he had experienced the goodness of human touch from more than one person. She watched his face closely.

"Yeah," and his face relaxed. Suddenly he looked her in the eye anxiously. "But it's not the same. It's not like when she touched me, like a man an' a woman. It's different." He was searching for … understanding?

"There are different kinds of touches."

"Do you know what a Hearth is?" She nodded and he continued. "That's what he is. He's my Hearth and he …"

"Wait a minute. Your Hearth?"

"Yeah. In the old days before the white men came a … a Guardian was bonded to his Hearth. He was like … Well not like a Handler but … he kept him from getting' lost. But …" and his face and voice turned hard, "But he never … did …" His face twisted in shame as he looked away.

"He never hurt you," she finished gently.

He nodded, tipped his head back and inhaled. Breathing out slowly he turned back, eyes lowered. "He never did nothin' you didn't want' im to." She waited.

"He stands behind me an' puts his hand on my shoulder. Sometimes just havin' our arms touchin' if I don't gotta go far."

"When your Hearth touches you there is no pain."

With relief he nodded. "Actor tried it once but it wasn't the same."

"Where was your Hearth when you tried this?"

"He was missin' and I had to try an' find 'im."

"I take it you found him?" He nodded.

Noting how exhausted he looked she said, "I think that's enough for today. Thank you for telling me about your Hearth. I assume it's Lieutenant Garrison who is your Hearth?"

"Yeah" and his face relaxed. "I never expected to ever have a Hearth. I thought only another Indian could be a Hearth. He's white," he said as if it was the most amazing thing he had heard in a long time. A small smile of pleasure played about his lips

After he left she sat back and thought about what she had learned. Several points stuck out. She would have to try to find out what had happened before he got on the train. He had no memory of where he had come from. Why?

The second one might be easier. Chief had said Actor had tried to act as his Hearth but it wasn't the same. She would like to ask her friend about the experience.

She had originally planned to start by working on his dislike of being touched. Human touch was one of the basic comforts of humans. Babies that were not held often did not do well. It was called Failure to Thrive. Sometimes they even died.

So far they had not gotten to the root cause but hopefully she had given him something to think about. She was going to have to make a concerted effort to get back soon and talk to him again.

He had also brought up his recurring nightmare. She had only briefly spoken to the Officer about this and hoped they would have a chance to have a longer talk. Working so closely with the Guardian, he would know him better. Talking to his team mates would be a good idea too. Somehow she would have to set that up.

ggggg

The first time his Hearth had told him that Dr. Blaine, a white woman doctor, was coming to The Doves he had been elated. He liked her and she treated him like a real person. Then he got scared. What if she hadn't really meant she would help him? What if G-CAT had found out and threatened her? Maybe she was only coming to tell him that she couldn't help. His elation gone, he wanted the weekend over.

It was with dread that he had accompanied Actor in the jeep. He just got in the passenger seat. Actor hadn't even asked why, maybe he knew.

At The Doves, she met them at the front desk and he watched her closely. Her smile looked real but then he had been fooled before.

She explained that she had originally hoped for the three of them to sit outside on the patio but seeing as it was raining, they would go upstairs to the second room where she had asked for extra chairs. They could all sit and talk there for a bit.

Being a small pub and inn, she had added, meant there was no meeting room so she had booked two rooms. A lady did not invite gentlemen, or especially a lone gentleman, into her bedroom so she would sleep in one and use the other to visit with her guests. Ideally she would have preferred if they took the bed out but knew that was asking for too much. As an added precaution she had ordered a tray of tea and pastries to be brought up to the extra room about half an hour after they arrived. Knowing how gossip worked in a small town, she wanted a local witness.

She even explained that the first visit was usually just to get to know each other. He wondered why she was bothering. She was going to tell him that she couldn't help him. Maybe she had decided that Guardians were just like that and there was no help. Instead of relaxing him he got more on edge waiting for her to destroy his hope. Why didn't she just come right out and say it? ' _I can't help you_ ,' he heard her voice in his mind say. ' _You understand, don't you?_ ' Yeah, he understood. What he didn't understand was what she was waiting for.

Actor had left and still she didn't tell him he had to leave. She asked him how he was feeling, how he was coping with the 'Darkness'. He kept waiting for the end but she just kept asking questions. Then she told him a bit about herself. By now the rain had stopped so she suggested they go outside. This was it, he thought, but still it didn't come.

He might have enjoyed the freshly washed air, the smells of the countryside but he knew what was coming. Even though it was nice of her to bring him out here to tell him, he wanted it over.

"You know, if I'm to help you, you have to talk to me."

That brought him up short and he stopped. He was so surprised that he looked her in the eye and said, "You're still gonna help me?"

"Of course I want to, but you have to help too." She was smiling. "Why would you think I wouldn't? I told you in London that I would."

Chief turned away, ashamed that he had read the situation wrong again. "I thought … I thought you were goin' ta tell me you couldn't."

Looking puzzled, she had cocked her head and asked, "Why would I do that?"

"I … 'cause I'm a Guardian, a Rogue." It has confused him when she had just looked at him and said, "So?" as if she didn't understand what he had just said. She knew about Guardians. She had even seen one when she was a child. How could she not understand?

She had stood there waiting for an answer. What was he supposed to say? "Nobody … You're …" She had tried to prompt him but he didn't know how to say it. Finally she had said, "Go ahead and say it." He told her that Real people didn't want anything to do with Guardians, that real people were scared of Guardians. He had wanted to say 'because they were stupid dogs' but he had promised Actor that he would never say that again

From there she had shocked him completely. She put her hand on his arm. If he had seen it coming he would have moved away instead he flinched. Her hand remained. Then she said something that he had never expected.

"Chief, I do not see a Guardian." Startled, he had actually looked her in the eye. "I see a man who is in pain; a man whose friends care about him; a man whose friends are worried about him. I want to help that man but to do that I need him to trust me, to talk to me."

She saw him as a man. Did she think of him as a real person? Being a man was enough. He told her he trusted her because he did. That had been the beginning. She did not come every weekend just when she could get away but he felt good that she even wanted to help him.

They had returned and gone upstairs where he talked to her. When it was over she walked with him in to the front desk and then outside. Actor was just coming out from the pub and he smiled when he saw them. Both men thanked her before Actor gave Chief the keys and they left.

"How did it go with Katherine?" the Italian asked once they were under way.

"Good. She gave me some things to think about."

"If you want to talk, I am a good listener."

I know, and thanks, for everything, especially findin' Katherine.

"You are welcome."

They drove on in silence and Chief's mind went back over what he had learned. Goniff had asked about the cops and that had brought the dream back. He thought it was a priest because there was a priest in the dream. But now after talking to Katherine, maybe it was the goons who were chasing him. He didn't remember a priest ever chasing him but the goons had. They had put him in the prison wagon and taken him to the school where he had been locked in. That had to be it. They hadn't hurt him except twisting his arm and he had eventually gotten away. He did not have to fear the goons anymore.

That still left the question of when his first run in with the cops had been. He remembered running from the school the first time. He had gotten to the town and being hungry he had gone into a store and walked out with a loaf of bread. The next day he had gone back and tried to steal a jar of jam. The guy must have remembered him because the cops were standing outside the door waiting. He hadn't even had a chance to run. They grabbed him as soon as he got out the door. Six months in jail and a valuable lesson he would never forget. Never steal from the same guy twice.

So why was he having that dream again? The goons didn't want him, he was too old and the cops didn't want him either. He had paid their price and the rest was being taken care of by Uncle Sam.

Or was it? His stomach clenched and he felt a chill. G-CAT! Their uniforms were black like the cops and the goons. That had to be what was chasing him. Damn. He couldn't fight them. His Hearth said he would protect him and he had so far but sooner or later they would get him. When they reached their base Chief parked the jeep but did not move.

He had debated telling Actor what he had figured out. The guy had been good to him. He never laughed at him or tried to hurt him. He would tell him. He would tell his Hearth too.

"It's the dream I keep havin'. I think I know what it's about." The Italian was watching him. "I thought it was the cops chasin' me 'cause that's what Goniff was askin'. Then after talkin' to Katherine I thought it was the goons that took me to the Indian School. But they can't hurt me now. That's when I realized that it," and his voice dropped as if he feared being overheard, "it has to be them."

Actor made the leap. "Yes, that makes sense. You are being chased by something. In your life now, other than the Germans, there are few things you have to run from. One as you say," and he lowered his voice too, "Is G-CAT. Unfortunately I do not know how to defeat them."

"Nobody can," he said sadly.

"Just remember, Chief, that we will all help you anyway we can.

"By the way, did she offer any suggestions on how to stop the dreams?"

"No, I didn't think to ask. I only figured out who on the way home."

Later that night Casino woke up. He was going to just roll over and go back to sleep but something stopped him. It was too dark to see much of anything so he snagged Goniff's flashlight and covering the lens, he turned it on. There was just enough light shining between his fingers to show that there was nothing wrong. Chief's bed was empty but he could be in the bathroom down the hall. His leaving was probably what woke him. But that wasn't right. The kid never made any noise. So what had woken him? He tried to go back to sleep but the feeling persisted. Something was wrong.

Laying the flashlight down on the bed pointed toward the wall. He pulled on his pants, grabbed a sweater and slipped his feet into his slippers. He went out the door and down the hall. He could see there was no light around the bathroom door so he knew it was empty. Intuition took him to the attic door.

There was no electricity on that floor but a flashlight had been left on the first step. It was gone. Chief was up here.

Slowly he climbed the steps. It was dark so either the batteries had burned out or he had turned it off. As his head cleared the top step he raised the light and directed the beam around stopping when he saw the figure on the floor. Chief was kneeling with his forehead on the floor, the Guardian submissive position.

"Shit. Chief? Come on man, you don't have to do that." There was no response. "Don't you dare be lost." He walked over closer and saw the trembling. If it was Goniff there on the floor he would just grab his arms and haul him to his feet but this was a Guardian. You don't touch a Guardian, at least not this one. Would he have to use the commands? He knew Garrison had to a few times but it didn't seem right. The only times he used them was in an emergency when the Guardian had been… Had someone given him the drug? He knew the guys wouldn't and Garrison wouldn't. He swung the flashlight around the room and then to the stairwell. He dreaded finding someone else there but it was the only explanation. They were alone.

Kneeling down beside his friend, he said, "What's wrong Chief?" He knew the kid had been in a bad way lately, not sleeping … because of the … "Chief? Did you have that dream again?" Still no reaction. Was he lost? Chief had explained it to him once as being 'lost in a snow storm. Everything around you is blank. There's nothing, no one. Everything is gone and you're there forever.'

Shit! How did Garrison handle this? He tried to picture the few times he had seen the Warden get him back. He had rubbed his arms and talked to him. With the way he was kneeling would rubbing his back work? Maybe he should just stick to what the Warden did.

Casino put down the flashlight, moved in closer and reached out to touch him. "Chief …"

He was sprawled on his back on the floor and pain flared in his jaw and shoulder as well as his back. What the fuck?" He pushed himself up as the anger built. The fuckin' bastard had hit him when all he was trying to do was help. His automatic reaction came back fighting and his fists clenched in readiness but Chief wasn't there on the floor any more. He wasn't kneeling. He was backed into the corner, crouching, hands up defensively, eyes wide. Casino's anger vanished. Now what?

"Chief? Can you hear me? Are you in there? Come on kid, I don't think the Warden would appreciate being woken up at this time of night. Or the Doctor, what's her name? Oh yeah, Katherine." He was hoping the names might trigger something and it did.

"Don't tell'er," he whispered.

At least now he knew he wasn't lost. "Tell her what?"

"What they did, what I …" That was as far as he got before he choked up.

The safecracker was completely confused. What who did? Maybe he had better get Garrison. Maybe he knew what the hell the kid was talking about.

"I don't want her to know. It's bad enough what I am", said the Guardian sadly.

Unsure where this was going he said, "She knows you're a Guardian."

"She kept askin',"

"Asking about what?"

"About bein' touched." He was getting angry.

"Touched?" Now he was really confused. She, had to be the Doctor. He had gone to see her ... and she asked him about being touched. The kid was young and had been in prison. With his good looks he would be a target. Was that why he didn't like being touched? That made sense. Was that what he didn't want the Doctor to know? "So what if she knows? It's not your fault. These things happen."

"No, you don't understand," and he shook his head.

"Understand what?" There was no answer. "Besides, she knows you've been in prison. She has to know what happens there."

"No!" With little warning Chief exploded out of the corner. Casino, who had been watching him closely trying to figure out what was going on, saw the move so had time to react. He also had a clear head so he was able to deflect the charge and finally pin him after a short struggle. "What're you doing? Stop!"

"You told 'er!" Chief ground out.

"Told her? I don't have a fuckin' clue what you're talking about. I've hardly said two words to her. Now relax and I'll let you go."

Chief got up slowly and backed away, rubbing his arms and chest. A look of revulsion contorted his normally passive face.

"Chief, I would never say anything about you or the other guys, but everyone knows what goes on in prisons."

"I don't mean there." He had turned his back on the safecracker.

"Then what do you mean?" The question hung there unanswered until Casino remembered back when he had stayed with the Guardian through the last drug withdrawal. That had been hell but what he distinctly remember was Chief exploding on him like he just had. All he had done was tell him to take his pants off. Chief had said, 'You ain't no Trainer an' I ain't drugged'. Casino had meant so he could ice his legs to ease the itching. Chief's words told him that Trainer sometimes raped their charges. Again the thought revolted him. The bastards.

What Chief meant now was, don't tell Katherine what had happened with the Trainers.

"I never told her anything and I never will. That's between you and her." Chief turned back to face him, probably seeing if he was lying. He wasn't. "Maybe she already knew. You probably weren't the only one."

Chief moved over to the cot. Casino thought he would sit on it but he sat on the floor beside it.

There was motion at the head of the steps. "Are you all right, Chief?" asked Garrison as he took the last few steps to the attic floor. The words had startled Casino but there was no reaction from the Guardian. He probably heard him open the door at the bottom of the steps.

"I believe Casino is right. After she met you she would have done her research, finding out everything she could about Guardians. Even after all that she learned she still wants to help you. She came all the way out here to see you."

"Then why'd she keep askin' who touched me?" he asked angrily. "Was she lookin' for details?" The last word was spat out in disgust.

"Do you like being touched?" asked Casino evenly.

"That's got nothin' to do with it."

"Did you like being touched before G-CAT?" asked Garrison. Chief got up and paced. "You didn't, did you? She was probably trying to determine when it started."

"But if she finds out …"

"She probably already knows," said Garrison.

"And she still talked to you so it doesn't matter to her," put in his team mate.

Chiefs stopped pacing and stood still. What was he thinking? Had they got through to him?

"Come back to bed, Chief. You need to get some sleep," said Garrison.

"I'll heat up some milk for you," offered Casino, prompting a snarled demand from the Guardian that he wasn't a baby. "I'll have you know that my old man had a cup of warm milk every night before going to bed. He said it helped him get to seep and I tell you, he was no baby."

The Guardian headed for the steps, Casino grabbed the flashlights and they went down the steps.

15


	3. Chapter 3

Facing the Fear

Chapter 3

The next morning a phone call put an end to their down time. They had a mission and it was back where they had just come from, Paris, France. A man named Julien had information about a train bringing a shipment of weapons and ammunition that would pass through Paris on its way to the front. The Resistance in the area was willing but they had no experience in explosives. It would be up to the team to blow up the box cars, but outside of the city. They did not want civilians killed.

Actor, Goniff and Casino eagerly anticipated going to Paris, seeing the sights and maybe partaking of its pleasures. Garrison saw the looks on their faces and tried to quash their enthusiasm. "We have a job to do. It is going to take all our time and energy. No unauthorized side trips!" Everyone agreed but they knew there was always time for a side trip or two especially if it involved women, booze and profit.

The men arrived in the city, late in the afternoon. Their contact, a grave little French man in his mid-fifties, was there to greet them and get them to their safe house just blocks from the station. He explained that the house belonged to a friend who was going to be away for a few days. They were to use the place but leave it just as they found it. Actor wondered if the owner was aware that they would be there. If the owner returned early, who was going to be the more surprised?

Chief had offered to take the first watch. He had noticed the alleyway alongside the house. From there, there was access to the front and back of the stone building. If he stayed on the one side of the alley close to the house where the deep shadows were he would not be seen. All was quiet by the house. There were a few people passing by but they were hurrying to their destinations. As he watched he saw a young girl arm in arm with an older man returning from the station. He wasn't that old maybe in his thirties wearing an ill-fitting suit carrying a somewhat battered suitcase. She was chatting happily like a child welcoming her father back home.

"You are so brave," said the man. "I want you to know how much I and all the others appreciate what you are doing," said the man.

"Keep your voice down. You are not safe yet."

"Each step is a step closer to Spain and freedom," he said with a smile. They were both speaking English but their accents didn't match. He was from somewhere around Virginia and hers was French.

"If I have a daughter, I hope she is …"

"Oh papa." The young woman broke in, speaking in French. A quick look down the street showed a German soldier approaching. She continued to chatter until he was passed them and out of earshot. The look of relief on her face when he turned the next corner and was gone showed how scared she was. Was she part of the Resistance? Chief had heard of downed flyers being helped to escape to Spain. That had to be what she was doing.

Once they thought they were alone she turned her back on him. When she turned back she had an envelope in her hand. She pulled out some papers and handed them to the man. New identity? Train tickets? He took them gratefully.

"You are Monsieur Pierre Blaise on your way to Gien."

"Monsur …"

"Monsieur, Monsieur Pierre Blaise." When he repeated it his pronunciation was better. "Bien."

He took the papers and in English said, "Thank you. As he talked he took out an envelope from his pocket and handed it to her. She turned her back and put it inside her jacket. She then explained that his train would leave in less than an hour after the guards changed.

Chief watched as they continued down the street. Did she know how dangerous what she was doing was? Did she know she would be shot as a traitor? She was so young.

Right on time the two returned. If she was the daughter welcoming her father home, she was now the young girl seeing her father off. She looked the part.

Twenty minutes later she returned alone. As he watched he saw a German soldier following her. Picking up his pace the soldier began to close on her.

What was he to do? He couldn't just leave her. Who knows what he had in mind. He might just be in a hurry but somehow Chief doubted it.

As he watched his fears were confirmed. The soldier raised his rifle and called out for her to halt. Unsure who was being yelled at she glanced over her shoulder. As soon as she saw the rifle she stopped and put her hands up.

Why didn't she run, thought Chief who worried about her safety.

The man took a step closer and said something in German. He didn't know what the words meant but the man's face and gestures said he was accusing her of being a whore. Fear and anger warred in Chief's heart.

Her face showed her fear but she was not too afraid to shake her head and say 'non'. The soldier pulled out a nasty looking knife and slipped the rifle over his shoulder by the strap.

Chief couldn't stand and watch. Instead he slipped across the street and up behind the aggressor. Fortunately the soldier had left his helmet where ever he was stationed so when Chief pistol whipped the man he dropped like a sack of potatoes. The Indian thought she would run but she just stood there gaping, hands still up. Was she in shock?

Fearful of being caught he grabbed her hand towed her across the street and into the alley from where he had been watching. He knew that what he had just done put them all at risk but he couldn't stand there and watch her being attacked.

"Que faites-vous?" she demanded. "Il se souviendra moi!" She struck out at him with her tiny fists, surprising him. He did not expect thanks but he had not thought she would try to hurt him either. Fortunately he was able to defend himself. The noise from the scuffle might have been heard so he knew this position was compromised; he would have to find somewhere else to watch from. He began backing up toward the street but she followed him, still trying to hit him. He had to get away and find somewhere else to watch from but a quick peek showed him that the soldier was starting to get up. Ducking back into the alley he received the final epitaph before she headed for the street. Clamping a hand over her mouth he pulled her back and whispered a "Sh, the soldier," in her ear as he pulled her against the wall. She must have caught his urgency because she froze. There was no sound so he released her and crept back toward the street and peered around the corner. The soldier was gone so he turned back to the girl. She was eyeing him suspiciously. He stepped back and gestured that it was safe to go.

"Qui es-tu?"

"Un ami." Maybe he used the wrong words or his accent was as atrocious as Actor said but her look had changed.

"English or American? You are a flyer? I was not told."

"No, I'm not a flyer."

"Oh, then what are you doing here?"

"That doesn't matter. You shouldn't be out this late all by yourself. It's too dangerous. You could a been hurt."

"With the German's here, life is dangerous. Even people who do nothing are killed. I could run and hide. I know people who live outside the city. I could go there and be safe but then the Boche win. I can't let them win."

"I don't understand. How do they win?"

"It is not that they want to catch me, they want to stop me from doing what I do. If I leave then I won't be here to do my job. They will have stopped me. They win."

"But if you get away from here, out with your friends, you'll be alive."

"Yes, I will be alive but I'll know I quit, I gave up without a fight. Each day I am here, each man I help is a life saved, a man who can keep fighting.

Chief sighed. He wished she would reconsider but she was right.

The determined look eased and she smiled. "But thank you for caring. Not everyone understands. I am in danger, I know, but each time I help, that man has friends, family, the rest of his crew and his Commanding Officer. They are all counting on him to come back. If I am not here to help, how many will be caught and killed?

"How many others who are helping to fight will quit too? They are afraid and in danger. I have to stay for them. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I do." He understood better than she could ever know. The dream had him thinking about running. If he left then he could hide from G-CAT. They knew where he was now but if he left and went somewhere else then he could be safe for a while.

But if he did, if he left the team, he wouldn't be here to watch their backs or take the point. He was better at that than they were. He was risking his life by staying where G-CAT knew where he was but by staying he could save their lives. He had to stay.

"I understand."

She stood on her tip toes and gave him a kiss in the lips, just a quick peck but it warmed him to his soul. "Thank you."

"Be careful."

She smiled again, peeked out into the street and disappeared.

He too, checked the street. He had a job to do and no one, even G-CAT was going to stop him. He wasn't going to quit. If a young girl could face the danger then so could he. He would stay and fight. Chief felt a new resolve fill his body and his heart.

ggggg

The five men, who had been watching the station from a safe distance for over an hour and a half, watched as the train pulled into the station. They knew the approximate time when it would be here but with delays and cancellations they could not be sure. They also wanted to watch the normal operation of the station.

Even without Julien's advanced notice they would have known this train was special by the number of soldiers who poured out and took up defensive positions around it. Because of this it looked like it was going to be impossible to get on the train until Garrison circled around to the caboose. Ideally he would have liked to have a man on the engine so they could control the speed but it was too heavily guarded. Here at the other end there was only one guard standing on the platform. There might be more inside but first someone had to get there.

A few minutes later Actor approached the train from the rear with his hands up and carrying a bottle of wine. The soldier raised his weapon as the conman started. All apologetic he explained that he loved trains ever since he was a child. He had wanted to be an engineer but he had had to stay home to look after his elderly mother. Could he just ride to the next stop? He wouldn't get in the way and he wouldn't tell anyone.

The answer was a firm, "Nein."

How about if he just let him stand on the rear platform for just a minute. It would mean so much to him. Besides he had a bottle of wine they could share.

Tempted beyond his limit the soldier looked both ways then gestured for him to come aboard. Actor, thanking him profusely, climbed up and handed over the bottle. The soldier pulled the cork, put it to his mouth and tipped it up. Seeing the exposed throat Actor struck and the soldier went over the rail. Actor tried to catch the bottle but the man had held on. It smashed on the cinders below. The conman immediately put his back to the wall and waited for anyone to come out of the car. No one did so he opened the door. Still no one appeared so he took a quick look inside. It was empty. It was a shame to waste a bottle of wine even if it was of inferior quality.

Seeing the Italian's signal Casino ran up to the soldier and hefting him up onto his shoulder carried him away. The conman massaged his knuckles and checked the scrape caused by hitting the chin strap. Garrison had taught them how a punch to the throat could kill. His hand would heal, the soldier would not.

As Casino hurried away Goniff ran up to the car and climbed up the steps.

"Where did you get that?" asked Actor.

Goniff touched the engineer's cap that sat jauntily on his head. "'E 'ad it in 'is back pocket," he said with his customary grin. Actor just shook his head as the thief stepped inside the car. Casino reappeared and followed his team mate into the caboose. Actor continued to watch as Chief arrived, vaulted the steps and went inside. Finally a German soldier appeared and climbed up onto the platform. Actor recognized the face. Garrison was wearing the dead soldier's uniform and carrying his rifle. Actor slipped inside as their leader took up the dead man's position.

Their next move involved getting to the munitions cars but Garrison had seen the soldiers climbing up to the roof. He had to assume that they would stay only as long as the train was stopped. The rocking of the cars in motion made it too dangerous. They would wait.

Finally after some yelling, the engine began to puff and hiss. The couplings began to bang one after the other until their car lurched and they were on their way. Chief climbed the ladder and peered over the top. The way was clear. He signaled then climbed up on the roof. Casino followed.

Walking on a moving car was dangerous due to the rocking motion but crawling, though safer, was noisier. Carefully they moved up the train, counting the cars as they went. When Chief reached the first car of their destination, he stopped pistol in hand. Casino continued on to the next car, the middle of the three. There it was his job to set the explosives and subsequent fire that would set off the cargo.

Goniff had suggested they steal a few guns before they set it off but Garrison had said that would be too dangerous. The same was said to Casino's idea to unhook the cars and let the Resistance have them.

The two men returned to the caboose with the same caution. Maybe they should have taken Casino's suggestion to uncouple the caboose seriously but Garrison wanted off the train and as far away from the explosion as possible. He also wanted them to stay together so that meant jumping as close together as they could. Casino went first followed closely by Actor and Goniff. Uncharacteristically Chief hesitated when it was his turn. Garrison, fearing the blast at his back yelled, "Go," pushed him and then jumped.

PAIN shot through him and the world tumbled around him. When he was finally able to stop himself he lay still trying to get the pain under control and figure out what had happened. He was lying on an angle, on a slope. Below he could hear water running. Though it was almost dark around him, he could see the last of the darkening clouds overhead. He was in a ravine. Where were the others? He had to find them.

Off in the distance there was a muffled boom and then another. The Officer couldn't help but smile. One munitions train out of commission. As he climbed to the top he heard another explosion. Through the few trees that hugged the ravine, down the tracks, he could see the flames. Turning his back on their handiwork he looked for Chief. He had pushed him off the train then jumped. That meant if he landed in the ravine then his scout also landed down there. Could he have landed on the other side before the gully? He would go and see.

"Hande hoch, mon ami," called out a voice. Raising his hands he turned toward the sound. The light, though weak, was enough to obscure the holder. "Qui etes-vous et que faites-vous ici?"

"Je suis une amie." Another explosion lit the sky anew.

"Est-ce votre travail manuel?"

"Non." He could not be sure which side the man was on or whether he was armed.

"Come, now. Trains do not blow up by themselves. They have to have help, est-ce pas?" Still unsure Garrison kept his mouth shut. "That is good. You saved us a lot of trouble. What is your name?

"Frank." It was a small point but knowing nothing about the other man he was not going to take a chance with his real name.

"That is good Frank, I am Romain. You will come with us now."

"I'm not alone." At the moment he was but he was not going to let him know that. And where were they? As if in answer to his question there was a splash and a grunt from down in the gulley. In hopes of covering Garrison said, "Why don't you aim your light at the ground and let me see who you are?"

"You don't trust me, American?"

"You don't trust me, why should I trust you? I can't even see you." There was whispering that he could not make out but it did tell him that there was more than one in front of him.

"Hande hoch," called out an authoritative voice, a familiar voice. The light holder did not move but someone else did. "I am sorry Warden, I did not check to see how many were here. It seems you and I are in the same boat." That meant there was someone behind him with a weapon but it also told him that either Actor had come alone or the other person or persons had not been caught. Casino, Goniff and Chief could be waiting out of sight. Goniff would be unarmed; he had an aversion to guns. Casino would be armed and Chief would have his blades. If Chief had landed in the gulley he might be injured. Who had jumped before Chief? That would have been Goniff. He tried to figure out a question to ask that would give him the answer but before he could, the light was lowered and Actor walked into to sight.

"Are you all right?" asked the Officer.

"Yes. What about you? You look like you rolled down the ravine."

Garrison nodded. His second appeared to be all right except for his dirty hands and shoes, which were dry. That meant one of the others was out there, hiding. Without the light in his eyes he was able to see his captors, all four of them, armed with long guns, one shot gun, two rifles and a German sub machine gun.

One of the men came forward and asked how they had blown up the train. He was young and curious.

"Well placed explosives will blow up a train," he replied cautiously. The young man looked disappointed. He realized he was not going to get any details and he moved away. Actor moved in behind Garrison's shoulder and said quietly, "Casino is out there but he fell in the stream. He saved his dignity but dropped his weapon. He fears for its functionality."

"And the others?"

Goniff is with Casino but is unarmed. He claims to have lost it when he landed. I have seen no sign of Chief."

That was good news and bad. Where was Chief? If he was all right then he was tracking them, waiting to intervene. Would he feel the hostility and start killing to rescue them? He relayed his concern to Actor.

"Are we prisoners?" whispered the conman.

"I don't know. Let's find out." They started walking toward the ravine. Garrison had landed down there. If Chief was injured then he was down there, if not then he would see them and come to meet them. Casino had to be near there too.

A man stepped up from behind them. "Where do you think you are going, mes ami?" It was the man with the sub machine gun, Romain.

Before Garrison could answer a man called out from the gully calling for "Luc." The man with the shot gun handed off his weapon and hurried down the slope. He slid down the slope toward the weak light that appeared at the bottom.

"Are we prisoners?" asked Garrison, emphasizing the last word.

"You will stay until we decide what to do with you."

"You are making a tactical error," replied Actor. The man looked confused. You are assuming there are just two of us." The Frenchman looked around and then gestured for his companion to search.

A grunt, and Casino called out, "Now it's three against one. Drop your weapon or I'll kill'im. Romain spun around but could not see anyone.

"Roger?" he called out.

"Je suis desole." Romain lowered his weapon and placed it on the ground.

"Now move away," ordered the voice in the dark. He obliged and Actor picked up the sub machine gun. Roger moved toward the light that had been placed on the ground with his hands up. The two Allies followed, Goniff with a pistol and Casino carrying the Frenchman's weapon.

"Is that one of your men too?" asked Frank gesturing to the ravine. No one answered. They doubted the French men would kill him but they might insist on trading hostages.

"Do not worry, Luc has trained with a doctor. He knows what to do." Luc had to be the one who was called down. That meant Chief was injured.

Garrison threw a, "Wait here," over his shoulder as he headed for the slope. He got part way down when he heard a scuffle, a few muffled French curses and finally silence. Moving as fast as he dared he got close enough to make out three men. "Chief?" The flashlight had been dropped and it had rolled down hill, coming to rest shining up at the men.

Two of the men stepped back and turned. "Son epaule est endommage."

"Chief, are you all right?" he asked again as he faced his scout. The man was struggling to sit up by using only one arm.

"I couldn't stop'em."

"It's all right, Chief."

"No, It's not." He grabbed a sapling to steady himself as his foot shifted down the slope.

Unsure, he turned to one of the Frenchmen and asked. The answer chilled him more than the night air. Chief was right. He was not all right.

"Let's get you up out of here. The guys are up top. Think you can make it?"

Chief grabbed the arm that Garrison held out. With a muffled groan he allowed his Hearth to pull him upright. He grabbed a sapling and held on with his eyes closed. Finally he opened them and released the sapling. Gingerly he tucked his injured arm into his jacket. Slowly he began to shift his weight. One of the Frenchmen tried to step in to assist but Garrison warned him off. Garrison climbed beside him on his uninjured side offering assistance where he needed it. They finally made it to the top where the rest of the team waited. Once there, Garrison eased him to the ground and then down to lie flat on his back.

"Is he all right?" asked the three men in unison.

"No. They gave him morphine."

"Shit." Casino spoke for them all.

"Son epaule," said the man Garrison assumed was Luc, the medic.

Actor came over and began checking the injured man. Goniff held the flashlight. "It is dislocated. We must reseat it quickly while the medication is working. As the Italian began to manipulate his arm he felt the resistance. Chief could still feel the pain. "Relax, Chief. This will only take a second and then it will be over." Once the move was completed satisfactorily Actor told him to sleep. Chief shook his head slowly and muttered a "No."

"We'll help you. We'll get you through. Now get some sleep so you'll be strong enough to fight it." Behind him he heard Casino mutter an unhappy, "Thanks a lot, Warden."

"The morphine will wear off. He might have a headache but he will be fine." Romaine clearly did not understand the problem.

Casino, wanting to share the pain, filled him in. "He's addicted to the shit. He'll have three, four days of Hell because of what that bastard did."

Garrison grabbed the safecracker's arm and pulled him around. "He didn't know," he growled. "He was just trying to save him the pain." You ever dislocate your shoulder?" He released his arm when he felt him backing down.

"Will he die?" asked the French leader.

"He'll wish he had," muttered Casino who clearly remembered helping him through the last session. Three, four days of Hell that would leave the four men exhausted and the Guardian even worse.

At Luc's request, Romain translated for Luc who then said, "Je ne sais pas."

"Maybe you should put a tattoo on each arm," said Goniff causing a chorus of, "What?" "Yeah, do not give morphine." He hadn't meant it seriously but they had to admit it would save the kid a lot of trouble.

"What are we to do now? We have about four hours before it wears off."

"I don't want to put this on Julien." He turned to Romain. "Is there a deserted house or barn between here and Paris?"

"You stay here. I will see what I can find." He disappeared into the darkness. An hour later he returned with what he thought was good news. "I have arranged for a pick up but it is a small plane, room for one. He comes in four hours. Can the rest of you make your way to the coast?

"I'm afraid we can't do that."

"We will find you a way."

"He said," repeated Casino firmly, "No!"

Romain was a born leader. He was not used to being defied, especially by a foreigner. He turned on the safecracker but before he could speak Garrison interrupted.

"He'll be coming out of it by then. Someone has to stay with him to keep him calm."

"But it is all set," he insisted. "He comes in four hours."

"No, that's no good. Someone has to stay with him."

"What," he said indignantly, "You think I send him to the Boche?"

"He'll get violent. The pilot can't fly and look after him as well."

"We can spare another shot just before he leaves. That will hold him."

"No. Unless you can get transport for at least two then we will have to stay here."

Reluctantly he said, "I will see what I can do. You should have told me this before. I will say two injured."

.


	4. Chapter 4

Facing the Fear

Chapter 4

In spite of having helped the Guardian through withdrawal before, they still made mistakes. It did not help that this time, instead of the secluded play room, they were in a barn, a functioning dairy barn. Each morning and evening the cows were milked. After the first day they were sure the farmer regretted allowing the men to stay in his barn. They tried to keep Chief calm and quiet so as to not disturb the cows while they were being milked but the tormented Guardian did not always cooperate.

They also did not have any ice to ease the itching. Goniff suggested rubbing his arms and legs but then he realized that would mean touching him. His second idea was to splash cold water on him from the water tank outside. In thanks he was given the job of hauling the water in. His only comment was to mutter about never offering a suggestion again. Casino offered to trade places. Goniff must have been thinking only of getting out of hauling pails of water and he was about to agree when he realized he would have to stay near Chief, a very angry, violent man who was in pain. No thanks, he would haul pails. They might be heavy and splash cold water on your leg if you weren't careful but they never punched you or threw up on you. He would stick to his pails.

Fortunately it was late at night when Garrison tried to stop the Guardian from leaving the loft. Once he was out in the dark Garrison knew he would disappear. They had to keep him where they could see to help him. Standing in front of him at the top of the ladder leading down to the ground level worked at first but then the crazed man swung at his leader. The Lieutenant's training kicked in and he defended himself. Something in this action triggered a learned response in the Guardian and he dropped to the floor and into the submissive position.

Casino saw the Officer reach out to touch him and he called out for him to stop but he was too late. They all watched as the Guardian tensed and began to tremble as soon as he felt the contact. Finally in desperation the team's leader used the dreaded command.

"Guardian, Stand." He was relieved when he obeyed so he asked him, "Guardian, who am I?" He had to get him to see who he was and where he was. The pain of withdrawal was associated with what he had had to endure at G-CAT. He had to make him see that he was not there but here, safe with his friends.

"Permission to speak, Handler?" When he received permission he said, "My Trainer."

"No. What is my name." The other men watched tensely.

"I don't know," and he flinched waiting for the blow that would accompany that answer.

"Look at me." His head was still down though his eyes may have moved. "Guardian, look at me." His head rose enough that his eyes reached Garrison's chest before he began to get anxious, his respiration increased he cringed. "Guardian, look me in the eye," he repeated as he saw the eyes stop and begin to lower.

Casino wanted to tell him to stop but he knew it had to be done. But, if he went too far …

The Guardian slowly shook his head, terrified at the consequences. Guardians were brutally punished for looking a real person in the eye. They were not worthy. They were also punished for disobeying an order.

Again Garrison repeated the order. It was painful to watch as the Guardian tried to obey an order that went against his training. Finally he made it, briefly, but he had made eye contact before turning his head away, pressing his eyes closed and standing tensely as he waited for the expected blow.

Actor thought that was it but Garrison pressed on. "Guardian, what is my name?" then gently he asked, "Who am I, Chief?"

The dark eyes rose again to his chest, to his neck, up to his chin, his nose and finally all the way to his eyes. His progress was slow with a few false starts but with a little more confidence. In a tiny voice he said, "Lieutenant." He took another breath and said, "Garrison."

"What else am I, Chief?" Again he spoke softly, gently.

The Guardian's terror was easing. "My…"

"Yes, Chief."

"My Hearth," he breathed out softly,

"Yes Chief. I am your Hearth and I will never hurt you. I will always help you as will your friends," and he gestured to the others standing watching.

Chief took a shaky breath, wrapped his arms around his chest as he turned to look. They were standing watching him all with looks of concern on their faces. He looked down, clearly overwhelmed by what he saw. He was embarrassed.

Finally the withdrawal symptoms eased and he fell asleep.

Casino, who had taken up the watch, came up to tell them that someone was coming. It turned out to be Romain. He had told them earlier that there was no pick up available except for a single injured man so they would have to do what they could on their own. He had given them the name of the farmer in whose barn they were staying. "I came to see you twice but you were busy. Is it always that bad?"

The Lieutenant wanted to reassure him but he was a realist. He would prefer to tell him the truth even if it meant Luc might withhold pain relief the next time someone was injured. "Yes, it is. All we can do is be there for'im."

"There was something I heard that I did not understand. I heard you say, 'Guardian stand'. I know my English is not good. Did I hear correctly?"

Garrison's nightmare. He would never reveal Chief's secret but he had to say something. Fortunately Actor stepped in with a reasonable answer.

"We have found that sometimes the pain is so severe that it overrides his normal thought processes. He is overwhelmed by the pain. When that happens the Lieutenant gives him an order that interrupts the override such as to 'stand'. Combined with his name, Gardener, he will often respond. That is what you heard, Gardener, stand."

Romain thought about that for a second or two then smiled. He had bought it. Garrison silently thanked his fast thinking second.

"Can you contact Paris and set up our exit. I want to give him at least twelve hours to rest before we get under way. Can you do that?"

The next day they were on their way. Transport to the city was via two local farmers' wagons. It was slow going but walking was out of the question. Chief would walk until he dropped but his Hearth did not want to ask too much of him. In Paris they had barely time to eat at a Resistance worker's home before they were taken to the river. The trip back was to be a repeat of their last mission's exit, by way of barges headed for the coast. Unfortunately this time they would have to split up even more. They would only be able to put a maximum of two men on each of the flat bottom boats. Chief was too weak to be of any help so he went with his Hearth, Casino took the next and Actor and Goniff went on the third. The second pilot was aware of Casino's limited French so used gestures where necessary.

They took to the river knowing they could be stopped at any time and they were. The many bridges which spanned the river were not a problem. They had plenty of clearance. It was the blockades and check points that they had to worry about.

Chief was up on deck near the bow when he signaled to Garrison that there was trouble ahead. The enemy had strung boats across the river at the next bridge. They were stopping all traffic and searching the barges. They might have been more worried the last time they were here since the Camp Commandant had seen both Garrison and Actor. By now they would have given up. Or had they?.

A tense wait preceded the actual inspection but finally they were through. The captain of their barge headed down stream but only at two thirds speed. He had been told not to get too far ahead.

"Do ya want me to listen?" asked Chief. "Make sure they get through all right?"

As much as wanted to know, he did not want to tax his Guardian in his weakened state. "We'll wait and watch. If it looks like there's a problem then I'll get you to listen." He waited to see if Chief took offense. The man did not like to admit he was weak or injured. If he thought Garrison was taking it easy on him then he would object. He said nothing.

It was taking a long time, even longer than the first barge. Had something gone wrong?

"I gotta check," whispered the Guardian anxiously. "He won't wait, will 'e?" he asked, referring to their pilot, while keeping his eyes on the bridge blockade that was slowly falling behind them.

"I don't think so. I could ask." There was no answer so he stepped behind his Guardian's shoulder and placed his hand in position. For a full minute there was silence. Was he lost or just watching? "Chief?" he asked softly. A presence behind him stopped him from speaking.

"Sometimes," said the gravelly voice with a thick French accent, "the pilot is told to take a passenger. As a true Frenchman he will try to negotiate a price. This might take a bit of time." He held out his hand. In it was a pair of binoculars.

"Merci," replied Garrison as he turned. "We were worried." The burly pilot was headed back to the bridge of his vessel.

"Did you hear that…" he started.

"It looks like he's on his way," said Chief as he released a breath.

"Did you hear what the Captain said?" When he shook his head His Hearth repeated the message.

"Then he's still in danger." Chief turned with fear in his eyes. "What if it's a soldier?"

"He knows enough to keep his mouth …"

"No, he don't. We gotta do somethin'."

"There's nothing we can do without alerting the enemy. Everything has to look completely normal."

"I know. But what if he gets into trouble?"

The plan was for Casino to signal when the third barge was underway since they might not be able to see it. Garrison held the glasses up to his eyes. There was no one on the bow where Casino was to signal from. He was either at the stern watching for the release of the third barge or he had been caught by the Germans. He had not seen anyone being taken off but that was no guarantee.

Minutes dragged by with both men watching for any sign of their safecracker. Where was he? Garrison began to search for contingency plans. If he asked the pilot to put him ashore how could he get aboard the second barge? How could he let Actor know what had happened?

Finally a figure appeared on the bow of the second barge. He was safe and Actor and Goniff were on their way.

"He's there," said the Officer but Chief didn't move, just stood staring off into the distance. He was lost. It took Garrison several minutes to get him back and when he did the Guardian almost collapsed in his arms. Easing him down onto the deck, the two men sat until Chief indicated he was ready. He took him below and settled him on a bench in the galley. The rest of the day was spent split between being on deck and checking on Chief below.

Day two the second barge slowed and was overtaken by the third boat. Garrison's pilot slowed until the third drew up closer. Carefully he waited at the rail as the two pilots conversed. The change in the engine pitch had alerted Chief and he came up top. Any improvement brought on by the rest he was getting was cancelled out by worry. Why were they slowing? Were the others slowing as well?

Garrison approached the pilot and listened as the problem was revealed. The second barge's engine was acting up. In order for repairs to be made the pilot was running at quarter speed. Garrison did not like Casino being left behind so he made arrangements for him and Actor to trade places. Neither pilot liked it but they finally agreed. This was a somewhat risky maneuver because the barges could not be brought too close together without risking damage in a collision.

Casino was there to greet him when he was safely on board. When asked, Casino told him that the delay scared the shit out of him too. Turns out it was a man in a suit, not a uniform. When he saw his bag he knew it was a Doctor. He must have needed to get to a patient down river. The pilot had let him off already.

The two men went down to the engine room for a look. The first mate had parts of the engine apart and was cleaning them. Garrison offered to help but the Frenchman was in a grumpy mood. He told them to get out of his engine room. They headed back up on deck.

On the lead barge Actor stepped into the Officer's shoes, except he spent some of the time talking to the pilot. Chief came up on deck occasionally before returning below. On his first appearance he asked Actor, "I didn't hurt nobody, did I?" He had kept his eyes averted, fearing the look of anger he expected.

"No, Chief. We are all unhurt," he said with a smile. "We all understand how hard this is for you. We would never blame you for anything you did while you are going through that."

"That means I did somethin' bad," he replied sadly.

"Pardon? That is Not what I said." Actor made sure he sounded indignant.

"You said you don't blame me. That means I did somethin'. I'm sorry."

"What I said was that you did Not hurt anyone and if you ever did accidently hurt someone, we would not hold you to blame."

"So I didn't?" Some of the misery in his voice had lifted.

Actor realized what was going on. Chief was looking for reassurance. Did he remember the scuffle with Garrison or had he imagined hurting someone?

"Who did you think was hurt?" Actor asked with genuine interest.

"I remember seeing blood on Goniff's leg. It looked bad. You sure I didn't hurt 'im."

The conman had to think back. "No, you did not … Oh," he smiled. "Goniff offered to bring pails of water to ease the itching on your arms and legs. Some of the water spilled over the side and soaked his pant leg. That was water, not blood." He watched to see if Chief believed him. He was relieved when some of the worry went out of his face.

"I thought I remembered seeing blood but I don't know whose. Is the Warden all right? He had to hit me, didn't he? I done somethin' real bad." Before Actor could reply he added. "He's my Ha… No. He's my Hearth but he still has to …" He sighed. "He said he would never hit me," and he looked down. "He has the right even if he said he wouldn't." Did I hurt 'im?" he asked anxiously.

How honest should he be? He did strike out at Garrison but did he actually make contact? He took the easy way out. "I did not see you hit him. If you wish you could ask him when we dock or if you wish, I could ask him for you?"

"No. I'll ask'im." He had kept his eyes averted and he spoke softly as if he was afraid of the answer.

The team's second realized that Chief's perception and his memory of the time spent getting clean was faulty. He wondered if this could be used to their advantage to help the Guardian. He had spent a lifetime gathering information that might seem useless at the time but helped down the road. This was something he would file away for possible future use. One never knew.

Eventually the three barges made it to Honfleur, the coastal town where they were to meet up with their next contact. The man in Paris who had set up their trip via the barges had told Garrison who to contact but he did not have to elaborate. Jean was the man they had contacted on their last mission exit. Both men were a little surprised to see Garrison again so soon but they did as they were asked. Jean brought them in and led them to the attic with its hiding space in the wall.

"It is good you did not come yesterday," he said with a smile. "I had a family of Jews here. I just moved them on to the next stop this morning. I would not have turned you away but it would have been crowded. Make yourselves comfortable. My wife will make something for you to eat soon and bring to you. I cannot use the radio here, the German's are listening but I have access elsewhere. Do not worry; I will arrange for you to get home." He was a jovial man and from their last visit they knew his wife was a treasure too.

When his wife, Marie, came up the stairs she apologized for bringing only sandwiches. The men knew, without being told, that feeding all the extra mouths was stretching them a little thin. After they left Garrison asked if anyone had any money. They would leave what they could when they left.

The next morning Jean brought good news, a tray of coffee and news of their extraction. A sub would be off shore tonight. Jean had a friend with a boat who would take them out. The only problem was it was a small boat. If he took too many at a time when the water was rough, he risked swamping the boat. He would have to see how rough the water was when they had to leave.

"Prey for calm," he said as he left.

They sat quietly all day. Chief looked out the tiny window, watching for clouds in the sky and the wind in the neighbor lady's wash line. All afternoon the sheets flapped until they were dry and taken in. The window was painted shut so all they could do was watch. After another meal of sandwiches Jean came to tell them it was time.

Luck was with them; the wind had dropped. It was going to be smooth sailing out to the sub. The friend's boat was small and they sat carefully, hardly moving until they saw the signal. The transfer was safely accomplished, other than chilling them all, especially Chief. He was shivering by the time they were safely aboard. The medic, a short young man of Italian extraction, eyed them as they boarded. Seeing how bad Chief looked, he asked him to come to the Sickbay.

Quick thinking Actor explained, "He is just recovering from the flu. All he needs is to get warm and sleep." Fortunately the medic concurred. Chief was given a blanket and a bowl of hot soup, both he took gratefully.

He had no sooner finished when the Klaxon started. They spent a tense half an hour as they were bombarded with depth charges. Fortune continued to smile on them. Most of the charges were far enough off the starboard side that all they did was gently shake the sub. Eventually they were left alone to continue on their way to England.


	5. Chapter 5

Facing the Fear

Chapter 5

Garrison had returned from his debriefing. He was tired and wanted to just sit down and close his eyes before he got something to eat but while he was on his feet he went into his office to see if there was anything really urgent. That was all he had the strength for, maybe not even that.

It was late afternoon and the sun was setting. This was usually a peaceful time of day. By now the cons would have annoyed the Sargent Major into submission and escaped to do what they pleased. He had not given them passes to London and dinner was just over so they had to be close. He had grabbed something to eat before he left London. Given the coolness of the day, they were probably upstairs in their room.

The blackout curtains were open so he walked over to close them. He had to make sure he followed the rules or the cons would harangue him for days. As he was about to release the material to cover the window he saw a sight that stopped him.

There, out on the terrace sat a hunched figure sitting on the top step. He sat with his feet down on the first step, knees pulled up to his chest, his arms around them. He looked desolate.

Detouring through the salon to grab the afghan from the back of the sofa, he stepped outside through the French doors. Making sure he closed the door with sufficient force to make an audible sound, he headed over to his Guardian.

"Chief," he said softly as he approached and placed the crocheted blanket around his shoulders. The air was cooling now that the sun had slid down behind the trees. Though it had not cooled enough to warrant a blanket he knew from experience that Chief would be cold and shaky for days. The initial symptoms of the drug withdrawal were mostly gone but there were some that lingered.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

"I hate this. Why didn't you just leave me there?"

"You know I'll never leave any of you behind." There was no answer.

"Did you want to talk to Katherine … about anything?" What he had done after he had assumed the Guardian submissive position had exposed the Guardian's deepest shame.

He shook his head as his fingers found the edges of the afghan and pulled it closer.

"I can't," he whispered as he leaned forward and laid his head on his knees, face turned away.

"You don't think she'll understand that it wasn't your fault?" Garrison asked gently.

"I can't tell her." There were tears in his voice.

"I'm sure she knows."

"She couldn't." He stole a quick look at his Hearth before looking away. "How could she believe that? If she did … No one would believe that. They're supposed to look after us, train us." He lifted his head and swiped at his eyes, wiping away the proof of his shame, his weakness.

"She's an intelligent woman. She would have done her research, found out all she could about Guardians. All I have ever told her was how loyal and dedicated you are." It saddened the Officer that his Guardian took no pleasure from the compliment.

"You talked to her?" asked Chief; his face reflecting his fear.

"We had coffee before my last briefing. She asked how you were. Talk to her. You can tell her anything. She'll understand."

"No, she'll …" He looked away in shame.

"Maybe when you're stronger." He was still suffering the effects of morphine withdrawal. They sat in silence with only the fireflies to keep them company.

Finally Garrison said, "Come inside. I'll make you some hot chocolate." He stood and waited for his team member.

Instead of moving he said, "Go ahead. I'll be in, in a minute." The Guardian sounded beyond tired so his Hearth moved around in front of him and held out his hand. Chief ignored him but Garrison persisted. Finally the Indian surrendered and accepted his hand, a sign of his exhaustion. The two men headed inside. Once Chief was seated at the kitchen table he moved over to the icebox and took out the milk. Hot chocolate was one of Chief's favorites and its warmth would be good for him. He needed some comfort right now, comfort that could not be expressed with words.

It was late the next morning when Chief made his way to the kitchen. He had heard the clatter of dishes being cleaned and stacked. He had also heard his team mates leave. Right now he wanted coffee. As he entered the kitchen he saw the Lieutenant sitting at the table with the newspaper open. Crossing to the stove he grabbed a cup and poured himself a cup. From the color he knew it was old and probably cold too.

"Eggs?" asked Garrison as he closed the paper and got up.

"No thanks." He took a sip from his cup and grimaced. It was as expected.

The Officer took out the frying pan and the eggs. When they were almost done he slid two slices of bread into the toaster. When everything was done he made up two plates and carried them to the table. Chief said nothing as the first plate was placed in front of him.

After he had eaten he pushed his plate away and leaned back. He reached for his cup but it held no appeal now so he left it. Without looking up he said, "I had that dream last night, … 'cept it wasn't the same. It was different."

"Oh?"

"I knew it was comin','' and he turned to his companion and said, "but I didn't run." He paused to make sure his Hearth understood. "I can't. I can't let them win."

"I'm not sure I understand. Let who win?"

"I figured it out. It wasn't the Indian school goons I was runnin' from. It was G-CAT." He was watching to see if Garrison believed him. He had to believe him.

"G-CAT?" It did make sense. Chief was fearless except where the Guardian Control Organization was involved. "I don't understand how they win."

As if reaffirming the Officer's thoughts he said, "They're the only ones who're after me." He lowered his eyes afraid to see the disappointment or worse in his eyes. "I was gonna run. I thought if I ran then they wouldn't know where I was an' then they wouldn't be able to take me. I'd be safe." Was his Hearth mad that he was going to run? He was afraid to look.

"But I can't." he said as he looked up. I can't let'im win." Did he understand? He saw the young girl's face looking up at him wanting him to understand why she had to stay there in Paris helping the Allied Airmen to escape. She like him, was in danger but she wouldn't leave, even if it meant her life.

"They wanna take me back but you've stopped 'em every time. An' every time I have to go through that, you an' the guys are there for me, helpin' me. As bad as it is for you, you keep doin' it. The other times I was here so you had to but this last time you could a just left me there. No one would know. An' you'd never have to do it again.

"I know if I run, I won't be here to protect you, my family. I might be safe for a time but you wouldn't," he hung his head, "an' I'd be a quitter." His voice took on a deeper resolve, "An' I ain't no quitter."

"I know you're not, Chief. We all trust you to be there for us but if it means your life, you won't have to run. We'll all be there, helping to hide you. Remember Casino is building a shelter for you out back and Goniff is collecting cans of food for you.

"Did he tell you that he was going to ask Mrs. G for a donation?"

"He can't!" he said as he looked to his leader with panic on his face. "She doesn't know an' I don't want her to."

"It's all right, Chief. I told him no but I bet if she knew, she would be glad to help." The real reason he said no was because he figured that she would use her own money to purchase something. It was not right to put her on the spot like that.

"No. I don't want her to think I'm a quitter, that I'm scared."

"She knows you're not a quitter."

"No, I still don't want her to know."

"That's your decision and we'll honor it."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Garrison asked, "Do you like Spam?"

"Spam?"

"Yes. I saw Goniff with several cans of it. He said it was for you when you get tired of squirrel and rabbit." That made Chief smile.

"I'm sure Actor has something planned as well," offered his commanding officer.

"They don't have to."

"I know and they know but they want someplace close by where you can be safe." After a moment he looked to his Guardian and with a big smile added, "So you can come with us on missions and do the job you are so good at." That earned him a grin and a chuckle.

They sat contemplating their future until Actor showed up followed by Goniff and Casino. Their peaceful time of reflection was over as another day started at the strangest non-military, military base in England.


End file.
